One of the hardest truths in life is that nothing lasts forever and everything will change – more than once. Whether you want it to or not, you will find your world changing constantly. Sometimes it will be fast, other times slow. Sometimes you will fight like hell to keep parts of this life, while you let others go. Some things may come in waves and others you may never see again. The fact that these things that once defined you, are ones you may now lose forever, is a hard truth to swallow. The point of this post is to show you it is far more digestible than you think and that these changes can be some of the best parts of your life.
As a student, coming to university has been a huge change in my life and within the last year (almost to the day) I have seen, learned, and experienced more than any other year in my life. Within this year I have graduated high school, chosen a college to spend the next 4 years at, left the country for the first time, lived abroad the first time, travelled alone the first time, and was faced with countless other “adult” decisions. On a personal level I have met so many amazing people, felt alone, had my heart broken, loved, questioned my future, cried until it hurt, laughed until it hurt, and again many more. Now this is not to say this is unique or special and I know countless others, especially at such a developmental age who are faced with the same. My life looks almost nothing like it did a year ago, and yes, I was terrified at first, but letting my old life go to welcome who I am now has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. The biggest growing pain through it all has been this – knowing what to hold on to and what to let go of – and it is a pain I am still having to learn through.
Holding On:
Much of this post is focused on the aim that it is okay to let go of something that once meant the world to you, but sometimes it is just as important to know when you should work to keep certain parts of your life. To do this, it is crucial to understand who you want to be as person, what matters to you, and the values you hold. When a part of you seems to be drifting away, fighting for it is often a draining battle and fighting for everything will eventually break you. By knowing who you want to be and what matters to you, it is easier to evaluate if it's something worth fighting over, whether that be people, qualities, places, or genuinely anything. For example, I know I value family and human connection as a whole. Arguments, along with physical distance as you get older, between loved ones is bound to happen but this doesn’t mean you cut off your family and friends. Despite being in college, and my people being spread around the country, we stay in touch, we talk, we fight, and we hold on to each other's presence because we know this connection that we value outweighs the effort of holding on. To hold on to something the benefits, or even just the chance of benefits these features may provide, have to outweigh the negatives.
Letting Go:
Holding on to a past version of your life and the fear of change is often natural, but not always healthy. While we just discussed that sometimes holding on and fighting for who and what you want can be important, it is just as vital to know when and how to let go in other situations. Knowing when to let go is most of the battle and is pretty much the opposite of knowing when to hold on. If something that you seem to be losing grasp on isn’t vital to becoming the person you picture in the mirror or is harming you more than anything, then you should truly think about letting it go. This second rule is one that I believe is incredibly important – if something is hurting or holding you back more than helping you or making you smile – let it go. Beyond that, deciding to let something go is all about reflection on your overall life – Is this something that you want in your future? Can you see yourself living without this? This isn’t the only way to decide, life is often more complicated than a yes/no question but let this be your base. Letting go is still very hard and isn’t just as simple as clicking a button or flipping a switch. To let something go is to have the discipline to day after day stick to this decision. The best thing to remember here is that while it may hurt now, it is what is most beneficial in the long run.
Now I know, this is much easier said than done and my closest friends may be reading this, calling me a hypocrite as I am no master at this. However, I will tell you this may be something you never master and letting go is difficult no matter how old you are. This blog post is not meant to be a solution to making your life what it is, but instead a tool and reminder that your life is meant to change.
Whether you decide to hold on or let go, however your life may change, embrace it. While you can appreciate your past and its memories, it's important to look forward to your future and live in your present. As soon as you do, these decisions seem to become easier to deal with or at least give you the right people and qualities to get you through it.
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